The answer might shock you. According to New York City sex therapist and author Stephen Snyder M.D., it’s a special kind of selfishness.
Deep down inside, most of us want desperately to be enjoyed by someone who knows how. Most sex advice these days comes down to giving your partner pleasure. But according to Dr. Snyder, it’s much more essential to make sure your partner enjoys you.
He points out, no hero in a romance novel ever rips off the heroine’s bodice, then says, “Now tell me how you like to be touched.”
Dr. Snyder’s book, Love Worth Making: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship (launching from St. Martin’s Press Feb. 13, just in time for Valentine’s Day) turns traditional sex advice on its head by focusing on feelings rather than just technique.
Great lovemaking, says Dr. Snyder, is about much more than just pleasure. It’s also about narcissistic validation —feeling greatabout yourself. It’s not about turning your partner on or having an orgasm. It’s about sex making you feel special — so special that you don’t care whether or not you get an orgasm. That’s love worth making!
“Hands down, the most practical, fun, and empowering book I’ve ever read on how to have a fabulous sex life in a committed relationship. A must-read for every committed couple who wants to keep the spark alive for many years.” — Christiane Northrup, M.D., New York Times bestselling author ofWomen’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom; and The Wisdom of Menopause
Stephen Snyder, M.D., is an associate clinical professor of psychiatry at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mt. Sinai, and a regular contributor to Huffington Post and Psychology Today. He has been featured on NBC’s Today show and in Newsweek, The Atlantic, Elle, Glamour, Cosmopolitan, Allure, Women’s Health, Men’s Health, and Teen Vogue.