Who are You Allergic to? [love] [advice] [lifecoach]

If you’ve ever dealt with allergies, you know how brutal they can be. An allergy, or intolerance, is defined as:  hypersensitivity reaction to a particular allergen; symptoms can vary greatly in intensity.

I swear, that perfectly describes my last relationship!!! So then I started thinking. When I eat milk- all bad. When I take penicillin- all bad. When I deal with him, it’s ALL BAD! Maybe I’m allergic to HIM!!! Is this possible?

Let’s compare this person to my dietary and environmental allergies. All create uncomfortable, if not harmful, situations for me. Lactose completely jacks up my digestive system, and he completely jacks up my emotional system. Don’t get me wrong, he wouldn’t make me itch or break out in hives, but he would drive me NUTS.

After accepting and acknowledging that I’m thoroughly allergic to my ex, I must confess I did wish for 5 seconds that I could have taken a pill to counteract the horrific effect he had on my psyche because he is sooooooo cute. Then again, do I really want something that will subdue the symptoms while he continues to act a fool? For what? Is 15 minutes of his attention really worth 15 hours, or days, or YEARS of my misery??? Uh, yea, #EPICFAIL. I then started comparing my other relationships and friendships to stuff I’m allergic to and the list grew exponentially. My life was congested with people I’m allergic to. No wonder I was feeling so down. “Happy” to me was just one of Snow White’s dwarves!!!

Well, what’s the remedy for a “people allergy”? With food allergies we eliminate the offender from our life completely. I have a friend who won’t even look at Red Lobster in fear it will aggravate his shellfish allergy. I decided to take this same approach in dealing with people I’m allergic to. Total elimination. Here are some steps I used:

  1. Delete – yes D-E-L-E-T-E them from your phone, Facebook, Twitter, Myspace, BBM, AIM, MSN, Skype and any other acronym they may be on. Deleting this person will remove both your access to them and their access to you. You can’t “drunk dial” someone whose number isn’t in your phone right?
  2. Remove the reminders, i.e. pictures, souvenirs, gifts, clothing and any other memento that reminds you of that person. You don’t have to throw them away, just get them out of sight. This way you won’t be continually reminded of someone you’re trying to forget.
  3. Get a new vocabulary that doesn’t include their name. Don’t keep telling your woeful tales to anyone who’ll listen. Have one last vent-fest with a trusted confidante to get it all out, then seal the file and lock the drawer on that situation. It’s over FOR GOOD!
  4. Go shopping…… for new places, friends and experiences. Sometimes being around a particular group of people can bring you back to a place you’re trying to move away from. Take a time out from certain people, places and things, and you’ll discover that your life without people you’re allergic too is much bigger and better than you ever imagined.
  5. Get fly!!! Go get your hair done, mani-pedi, shave and a fresh cut, whatever. Take the time you previously spent with your “allergy” (or crying over them) and dedicate it to “me time”. Pamper yourself. Give yourself permission to feel good. Be a little selfish and focus on you. It’s ok =)

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2 Comments

  1. Audrey Keller

    July 19, 2011 at 5:19 am

    Great advice

  2. Dortha Zadd

    July 24, 2011 at 1:14 pm

    I really appreciate your web-site. Thank you for your insights and guidance.